Mosaic of Grace

“My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him.” Psalm 62:5

Uninspired. Lonely. Overwhelmed. Depressed. These are a few words to describe the last few weeks of waiting for me. I have prayed, reminded, tried to “assist” and tried to minipulate circumstances. I have questioned, cried and run. At times, God’s silence has been so unbearable that it has felt as if my heart would shatter. There have been times i have buried my head in my pillow and screamed. Everything i have done or tried has been my own doing and nothing has worked (no surprise there); now God is saying, “Now do this My way.” Still, i want to argue. “Isn’t it enough that i have waited so long? Now You tell me to wait(gulp)…silently?” Doesn’t God know how difficult it is for me to even sit still? Yes, He does. He knows me better than anyone and He knows what is best for me. That is why He tells me to wait silently-no reminding,no minipulating and no “fixing”. And, please, no assisting! As long as i am trying to do it my way there will be unrealistic expectations which lead to more grief, depression, anxiety and sore throats resulting from screaming into my pillow. It does make a lot more sense to wait silently on Him alone and look to Him for my expectations. So why am i still fighting?