Mosaic of Grace

Whatever it takes, Lord, to draw me closer to You; let it be. Wherever the road takes me, as long as You guide me; let it be. Whenever it takes silence to lead me to Your presence, let it be. However You reach me and use me help me to trust You enough to say, “Lord, let it be.”

“My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him.” Psalm 62:5

Uninspired. Lonely. Overwhelmed. Depressed. These are a few words to describe the last few weeks of waiting for me. I have prayed, reminded, tried to “assist” and tried to minipulate circumstances. I have questioned, cried and run. At times, God’s silence has been so unbearable that it has felt as if my heart would shatter. There have been times i have buried my head in my pillow and screamed. Everything i have done or tried has been my own doing and nothing has worked (no surprise there); now God is saying, “Now do this My way.” Still, i want to argue. “Isn’t it enough that i have waited so long? Now You tell me to wait(gulp)…silently?” Doesn’t God know how difficult it is for me to even sit still? Yes, He does. He knows me better than anyone and He knows what is best for me. That is why He tells me to wait silently-no reminding,no minipulating and no “fixing”. And, please, no assisting! As long as i am trying to do it my way there will be unrealistic expectations which lead to more grief, depression, anxiety and sore throats resulting from screaming into my pillow. It does make a lot more sense to wait silently on Him alone and look to Him for my expectations. So why am i still fighting?

“Speak, for Your servant hears.” 1Samuel 3:10

Lord, to hear Your voice; just to hear Your voice above the noise. To hear Your voice, it is my choice. Lord, to hear Your voice i must give You more than my ear; i must give You my all!

The cards and flowers have been nice. Other gifts were given and they are nice too. Special greetings and warm sentiments have meant a lot. Still, the best gifts have been the ones who gave those gifts to me…Rachel, Brogan, Reece and Sawyer give me hugs and kisses everyday and make me feel loved in so may ways. They make motherhood, with it’s ups and downs, all worthwhile. To my life they have brought laughter and smiles, even in tough times and tears i know they love me still. And i love them too. So i thank God for the gift of these children He has given me. And thank you, sweet children, for making me feel special not only on Mother’s Day but all year round. Mama loves you!

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30

More of You and less of me-That is my prayer of increase. Not for money, not for wealth-But to know You better and love You more. Not for man’s applause, not for worldly fame-But that more and more will know Your name and love You without shame. This is my prayer of increase.

Happy ever after is no fairy tale but true happiness will not be until His kingdom i see. On this side of life, in this land of strife, i prepare for my coming King. For now i find my place in His story and wait for His glory; when all eyes will see and each heart believe. So it is not happiness i pursue while i am here, but to draw closer to Him with each passing day. And for those moments of happiness in this world i thank Him for their worth because they remind me of His love and all that awaits me above; where happy ever after is no fairy tale!